I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
