Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
