On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
