either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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