What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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