This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
A+ Viking dick
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
