You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
