i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
