If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
