the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
