I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
