laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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