Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
