I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
last night I used snow as a chaser
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