so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
