This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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