I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
