I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
