soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
