I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
