Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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