And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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