I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
