That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
