Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
