420 ftw
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
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