Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
