I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Bring me that man meat
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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