The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
