the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
