I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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