matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
