Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
