Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
