If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
