We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
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Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
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An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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