worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
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Princesses don't give blow jobs
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.