Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
