Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(636): View more from Missouri

It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.

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(636): It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy. http://tfl.nu/hnmj

Replies (17) Good night (567) Bad night (2989)
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(314): View more from Missouri

eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth

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(314): eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth http://tfl.nu/8d45

Replies (26) Good night (918) Bad night (4625)
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(815): View more from Illinois

It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.

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(815): It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve. http://tfl.nu/el01

Replies (28) Good night (6027) Bad night (839)
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(734): View more from Michigan

Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.

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(734): Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month. http://tfl.nu/t4ti

Replies (14) Good night (4418) Bad night (716)
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(561): View more from Florida

Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name

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(561): Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name http://tfl.nu/36j9

Replies (4) Good night (3206) Bad night (852)
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(616): View more from Michigan

We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.

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(616): We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks. http://tfl.nu/giz7

Replies (14) Good night (4802) Bad night (943)
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(954): View more from Florida

Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.

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(954): Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America. http://tfl.nu/l7qb

Replies (11) Good night (3393) Bad night (1021)
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(865): View more from Tennessee

His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...

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(865): His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation... http://tfl.nu/uas5

Replies (24) Good night (4531) Bad night (1432)
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(857): View more from Massachusetts

other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other

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(857): other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other http://tfl.nu/ii3b

Replies (10) Good night (1520) Bad night (2774)
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(615): View more from Tennessee

There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.

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(615): There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night. http://tfl.nu/q563

Replies (2) Good night (726) Bad night (1752)
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(949): View more from California

I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.

(702): View more from Nevada

It's like the whiskey god was watching over you

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(949): I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id. (702): It's like the whiskey god was watching over you http://tfl.nu/wgp4

Replies (7) Good night (3273) Bad night (557)
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(240): View more from Maryland

She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.

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(240): She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am. http://tfl.nu/ir0l

Replies (18) Good night (769) Bad night (1246)
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(406): View more from Montana

Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.

(901): View more from Tennessee

I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.

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(406): Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'. (901): I want there to be fog machines and unicorns. http://tfl.nu/0ciy

Replies (1) Good night (920) Bad night (688)
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.

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(+44): If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned. http://tfl.nu/qyit

Replies (8) Good night (384) Bad night (1174)
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(262): View more from Wisconsin

The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH

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(262): The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH http://tfl.nu/v3lg

Replies (0) Good night (571) Bad night (154)

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