She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
