So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
