Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Holy sore nipples Batman
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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