two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
