WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
