bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
