Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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