I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
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he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
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I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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