We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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