Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
