What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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