I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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