so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
