listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
