I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
