I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
