he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
