I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize