I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
