My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize