Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
she smelled like a LAN party
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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