You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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