Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
