I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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