its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
