Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
