Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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