If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
