sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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