in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
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After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
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I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
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